my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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