Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Someone stole a lamp last night.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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