so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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