Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
