rhymes with "ouble enetration"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
