Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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