meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
