he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Randomize
