I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
