i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
