i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
