I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
