And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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