I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
