Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
