yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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