you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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