y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
