We're facebook friends in real life
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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