hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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