if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
porn star boner night. come get it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
