This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
