After last night, I could never be a politician.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize