I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
