Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
