six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
