Define "chronic" masturbator.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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