Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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