shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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