I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
