1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
found the other keg... it's in the tree
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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