I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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