Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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