You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
