Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
