Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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