we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
