If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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