i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
