We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
