Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It was confusing and full of hummus
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I woke up under a house in Key West
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