The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Can you bring me the toilet please
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Randomize
