Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
