If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
