and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
