Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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