Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
