Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
