Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
