Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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