I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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