He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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