Got a toothbrush?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
