Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
