tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize