no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
