He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize