Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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