I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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