We won't sleep together?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
This is my gift to your gina
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
