It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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