I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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