I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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