how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
