I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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