I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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