32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
