just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
zippers are such a cool invention
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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