I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
