My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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