I'm so fucking centered right now
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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