my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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