For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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