I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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