ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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