So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just pee around me
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
