I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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