if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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