Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
NoShamevember. You game?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
